Most mothers, teachers, and children look forward to school vacations. It usually comes around a time when the children are in need of break from the routine of the school week. You can see it on teachers’ faces the week before school was out…please let this week finish up fast! The patience level of kids and teachers alike seems to be an all-time low; everyone just needs a break!
I was feeling it a bit as well, and was looking forward to the break from going to work. And my children were so excited about vacation, especially Kayla! She was counting down the days until she didn’t have to go to school beginning halfway through the previous week! However, in all honesty, I wasn’t all that excited about having my children home for the entire week. Don’t get me wrong, I love my children and love spending time with them, but no structure or routine can be a nightmare with a child on the spectrum and makes for a very long week!
The first few days passed without incident, especially leading up to the holiday. I had scheduled some ski lessons for Kayla which went remarkably well. But even ski lessons can be taxing for both Kayla and myself. To get her dressed, with her ski boots on, and out to the mountain is an entire process in and of itself. Then she gets overcome by fatigue and her motor skills deteriorate. She easily spills things, knocks things over, or falls. This week, one such fall led to one visit to Urgent Care for a possible broken arm. But after two hours she left Urgent Care in a splint for the next four days.
Kayla’s sleeping pattern is horrific. She gets up between 2 and 3 AM consistently – and stays awake! This is kind of sad when we are hoping that she sleeps until 3:00 so we get an extra hour of sleep. It is so bad that I went to Skirack this week and purchase 12 Cliff blocks and Gu’s and look for the ones filled with a lot of caffeine. The hope was to keep her up late and maybe she would sleep beyond 3:00. No such luck! So we all sleep with our pillows over our heads while she plays baby and watches YouTube.
I can tell when her brain is not working properly the instant I see her in the morning. She has difficulty making decisions and following instructions, and she easily melts down or becomes frustrated. Unfortunately, the poor dog is subjected to her frustration, which leads to the dog wanting to go out in the garage to get a much needed break from her. At this point I would like to go out in the garage with the dog!
She still needs help getting her braces in her shoes, can’t get fully dressed because she is wearing a splint on her arm, cannot bathe herself — and resists baths, and still needs help while using the bathroom. Her patience level is at an all-time low and she asks questions or demands things ALL the time. She is on constant go, even after being up since 2:30 AM. Then she bothers her older sister creating a whole other dilemma. Good god, is vacation over yet?!
Then the guilt. The guilt of just wanting a break from her and the constant demand and care-taking she requires. But as I sat with my husband on New Year’s Eve and told him I was just tired and talked about how draining it is with her at times, I felt guilty. Because Kayla is such a happy and great kid! She is resilient, funny, smart, determined, and such a joy to be around. When we snuggle on the couch and watch a movie, when I see her working really hard to learn to ski, or when she gets so excited to see her hockey team, it makes me realize I am very grateful for the things we have and the life Kayla has provided us.
I realize that it’s important to take breaks for myself and restart. I am sure my kids and husband want a break from me as well! Soon enough, school vacation will be over and our routine will be back in place. We will still have days when there will be meltdowns, more accidents, and trips to Urgent Care, and I am not sure we will ever regulate her sleep. But we will take it one day at a time and enjoy all that we have been given. After all, February vacation is just around the corner!